Skyler’s POV
While I’m in the car on the way to school, I think about the beginning of the school year just like all of my friends have been. I remember when Jake first made fun of me and Celeste. It made us so upset at the time. In hindsight it didn’t even actually matter. Yeah, he called me ugly, called both of us retarded. But we knew that nobody who was actually important thought of us that way, so it didn’t actually mean anything. I even thought I disliked Sugar at first solely because of it. I had a really good conversation with her the first time I ever met her in art class. Then when I saw her hug Jake I just immediately lost interest in being her friend. I made the assumption that she knew how much of an asshole he was. Then her and I went on that walk in the forest together. That was what caused our shared trauma and our extreme emotional attachment to each other.
My biggest problem early in the school year, and honestly in my entire life, is the constant feeling of silent judgment. I have an imaginary audience in my head always laughing at me. I know that nobody is actually laughing at me. But the belief that they are overpowers the logic in my head. But the love and respect from all of my friends is enough to pull me out of it. Their support is greater than any judgment I may have gotten from other people.
At school when it’s time for PE, Sugar and I strategize on how to skip playing the game together. I remember when Celeste and I tried to do that early in the school year, it didn’t go well.
“They won’t let us go at the same time,” I say quietly, “Maybe one of us could ask to go to the bathroom and then not come back for a while, and then the other can ask to go”
“Yeah I think that’ll work, and they never really worry about an adult going with us anymore for some reason so we don’t have to worry about that” She responds
So we get through the stretches. Then when it’s time to play capture the flag. Sugar raises her hand and asks to use the bathroom. I suffer through just a few minutes of capture the flag. With people getting mad at me for standing here and doing nothing. I can’t bring myself to tag anyone. Once I feel like it’s been long enough, I ask if I can go to the bathroom. I can tell she’s annoyed about losing another student. But since Sugar won’t be back anytime soon she lets me go.
“Hey Sugar,” I say when I get to the area outside the restrooms
“Hey Sky, didn’t you and Celeste mention a time where you tried to do this and it didn’t work because of the teacher not letting you go at the same time?”
“Yeah, that happened, and Jake made fun of us for it. We were so embarrassed. We hadn’t been here that long so we didn’t know how it worked, we thought she would just let both of us go. That was when Jake had first started bullying us too, so that made it worse. Anyway, do you wanna see the song? I finally finished the lyrics”
“Yeah of course I do!” She responds excitedly. I open the Notes app on my phone and show her “Oh, the song is called “When I See You Smile?””
OH SHIT I JUST ALMOST SHOWED HER THE LOVE SONG ABOUT HER. “Oh uh, no, oops, wrong one, hold on” I say as I quickly pull my phone away before she can actually see any of the lyrics. I show her the song we’re all gonna play. It has the same name as our band, Broken Minds. She loves the song and says we should show it to the rest of the group. She says they’ll all love it too. I feel a little nervous for the next few minutes. I’m worried she saw the lyrics and could tell they were about her. But after we’re talking for a while, I start to feel comfortable again. I’m pretty sure that she wouldn’t be acting as casual if she actually saw the lyrics.
At lunch, I show my friends the song. They love it and we start talking about how the practice will already be happening tomorrow.
“The time has gone by really fast, it feels like I just saw the flyer” Dante says
“It’s gone by slow for me. I’ve been waiting” Kat responds
“What time will it be again?” Sugar asks
“It will be after school” Dante responds
“I’m glad nobody else signed up. I wouldn’t wanna practice our song in front of anyone else, and the music teacher can pay more attention to us that way” Celeste says
“Yeah, especially the more judgmental people in our classes” I respond
“What do you guys think our lives will be like if we have a career as a band in the future?” Kat says
“We’ll get to go on tours and stuff like that. There would be millions of people all over the world who love our music and we would get to perform for all of them” Dante says
“Yeah, and we’ll be people who had not the most amazing lives in high school but the most ideal lives as adults” Celeste says
“Yes, and I think I also wanna be married and have kids as an adult, and maybe my kids will turn out to be musicians too” Sugar says
I feel like she glances in my direction, as if I’m the person she would have kids with. But it’s probably just in my head.
Later in art class, the assignment is to make a painting. Sugar has a sketch of the entire friend group that Celeste gave us. It also has a poem written on the side of it.
“My Reason for Living
I’ve had the least ideal life one could have
No mother
A pathetic excuse for a replacement of a mother
And a dad who doesn’t even notice
But you guys make it all batter
You are my reason for living
Kat with her positivity,
Dante with his empathy,
Skyler with their ability to listen,
And Sugar with her kindness
We will spend the rest of our lives together
As a band
People will talk about our songs
We’ll be seen as people
Who once had difficult lives,
And moved past it
You are the reason I can write a positive poem for once,
My reason for having any positive thoughts at all,
My reason for being even happier to get away from home and to school,
My reason for living
–Celeste Cannon”
Reading the poem makes us tear up. Sugar and I ask Ms. Katerina if we can paint the sketch Celeste made of all of us. She loves the sketch and tells us we can do that. So we paint the sketch with water colors. We talk while we work just like we always have in art class.
Broken Minds 