Broken Minds

Dante’s POV

We’re backstage. We’re about to perform our first concert. Everyone is cheering for us.

But then, suddenly, I wake up. I’m not that upset about the dream not being real, I’m more happy about the fact that I finally had a good dream. I remain happy about it for the whole morning. My mind is finally starting to be clean. I’ve still been reflecting on the school year, and I decide to look back on the first week. I remember, I think on the second day of school, I overheard Marcus and Darla talking about an incident on the news. It was a man who murdered his own wife. I remember how it made me spiral. I told Kat about it, and she told me the same thing I had been told many times by my sister already. That I shouldn’t dwell on it because I can’t do anything about it. I’m finally actually starting to accept this as fact and be able to be content with it, because I’m able to focus on the positive impact I’ve had on people close to me. I’ve also started praying for the billions of people suffering in the world who I cannot help. Another incident I recall from the same day is when Jake was throwing snap n pops at two people in the hallway. I yelled at him, called him an asshole and told him to stop. I even threatened him, even though I’d never actually physically hurt someone, I just wanted to scare him.

I’m really happy with everyone in our friend group and the dynamic we make as a band. Celeste is more negative because of the trauma she’s been through and continues to go through, and Kat has gone through very similar things but chooses to be positive and happy anyways because it helps her. They’re like two sides of the same coin. Skyler is nervous and worried about being judged a lot of the time, and they think super highly of most people other than themself. They’re just starting to be more ok with being a person who most people may consider weird, and not fearing the judgment. Sugar is really sweet, and heavily defensive of people she cares about. She sees the good in almost everyone, and is a little too selfless. Which is why she’s currently working on understanding that she isn’t responsible for anyone’s happiness. And I have hyper empathy, I’m sensitive to everyone’s struggles, sometimes more than I need to be. We make a perfect band.

Right after history when I’m on the way to ELA, I walk past someone who appears to be talking to Jake. I’m concerned at first and then look closer. It’s Naomi, Sugar’s best friend. I realize that she’s actually making fun of Jake, the opposite of what anyone would’ve expected

“Awww, it’s cute how you think you can still make fun of someone’s speech impediment thinking they’ll be scared of you!” Although Naomi has a speech impediment herself, I think she’s standing up for the girl who’s in the middle of them who also has a speech impediment, not for herself, “Nobody is scared of you anymore, Jake. Everyone knows Sugar broke up with you. Everyone realizes you were never an intimidating person to begin with. You’ve been calling everyone else stupid, but it turns out, you’re the most stupid one here! You say you “don’t know how you ended up at a special needs school”. Well, guess what? I don’t think you even belong here! I don’t think any school could help somoene like you!”

Jake doesn’t even say anything back, because she hit him in his biggest sensitivity. The fact that Sugar left him. I smile as I walk away, excited to tell my friends about this.

After nutrition I have another meeting with Ms. Audrey. 

“Hey, I actually had a positive dream this morning!”

“Oh wow, really? What was it?”

“Me and my friends were backstage, about to perform at our first concert. The crowd was cheering for us. That was it, really. It was a pretty short dream but it was still way better than the ones I normally have”

“Yeah, I think that’s progress! How’s your mindset in general been?”

“It’s gotten easier for me to not think about the people I can’t help, but I do still worry about Celeste. But I’ve been able to think more positively overall”

“That’s good, it is ok for you to worry about your best friend, but it’s good that you’re able to think more positively overall. I wasn’t expecting you to make progress this fast, it would normally take a while”

“Well, a big part of it is that I’m able to be distracted by the band right now. I honestly am worried that once the talent show is over and I don’t have a distraction anymore, I’ll go back to feeling the way I did before”

“Well if that happens, we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. You don’t have to worry about it right now, even if you regress sometimes it doesn’t mean you can’t make progress again”

Later at lunch, i sit with my friends as usual.

“Guys something happened that I have to tell you about!” I say

“What is it?” Kat responds excitedly

“I saw Naomi standing up for Charlotte to Jake!”

“Oh my God! She always told me one day she was gonna yell at him, but I didn’t know it would actually happen! What did she say?” Sugar asks with a smile

“She told him how nobody’s afraid of him anymore, and she told him that he’s more stupid than anyone here. She mentioned how he sometimes says that he doesn’t know how he ended up at a special needs school, and she said that he doesn’t even belong here because no school could help someone like him”

Everyone laughs and is super happy. Sugar says that she needs to thank Naomi later.

“Anyway, I was thinking, would you guys wanna go to the mall after school? I remember Skyler, Celeste and I went early in the school year, and I think it would be nice to go again with the five of us”

“Yeah, I think I could go, I don’t have any plans today” Sugar responds

Celeste and Kat are eager to go, and Skyler agrees as well.

When we’re at the mall, the first place Kat decides we should go is Claire’s, because she wants to get friendship bracelets for all of us. As a guy I don’t really care for the idea of a friendship bracelet that much, but the whole group is doing it so I’m ok with going along with it. We see a pair of trio friendship bracelets. A bracelet with a sun, one with a moon, and one with a star. We decide to get two sets of these bracelets. Skyler and Sugar are stars, Celeste and I are moons, and Kat is a sun, and she says she’ll keep the extra sun in case someone new eventually joins our friend group. 

After that we go to Wetzel’s Pretzels, a part of the mall that me and Celeste and Skyler always loved. We’re quiet as we sit down and eat, and as usual Kat says something crazy to break up the silence.

“I remember when I was in kindergarten and I convinced myself that the way my parents treated Mary was normal, and that that was just how parents were towards the older sibling which meant they’d treat me that way too when I got to her age, and then I had a playdate with my only friend in kindergarten and then saw her parents being nice to the older sibling and that was how I realized that my family was fucked up” Kat says casually with a small laugh. She has a way of always saying the most traumatizing things in a super casual way.

“Oh yeah, I remember when Jake would hold his neglect from his parents over my head and made me feel like I was a bad person if I didn’t use up all of my energy taking care of him, and it didn’t even matter that I was in pain and unable to take care of myself and that he was basically neglecting me because nothing in our relationship was about me it was all about him” Sugar responds in the same manner

“Skyler, do you remember the first time Jake made fun of me and you?” Celeste says

“Oh yeah, I think it was that we were just laughing together in the hallway, and he asked you why you laughed like that, and then he recognized me because me and him are neighbors, and he told me I was even uglier up close”

“Why did that even bother us?” Celeste says, laughing

We can tell that Sugar is starting to genuinely get upset from hearing about Jake being mean to Skyler and Celeste, so the rest of us collectively change the subject.

After we’re done eating, we go into Target and look in the toy section (Kat’s request, of course). Then we go to the play place and run around giggling and shouting like we’re little kids (Skyler sits out of this because they’re too embarrassed, and Celeste is embarrassed too but does it anyway because it still gives her joy). We then get kicked out of the play place because the staff can tell that we’re teenagers.

When it’s all over and we all go home, I feel a little sad, but I’m able to push all of the depressive thoughts away and go to sleep peacefully.