I’m hearing Skyler tell the story of what Jake did to them a second time, it makes me even more furious hearing it again, I see Jake leave his table and go to the bathroom. I decide to go to where the bathrooms are and wait for him so that I can go off on him.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” I start immediately when he comes out
“… Huh?”
“I know what you did to Skyler! You fucking…” I get so mad that I forget what language I’m supposed to be speaking and my next sentence just comes out as a mess of English and Russian, he looks confused. I collect myself and start talking again. “I know you attacked them in the hallway because you were mad I broke up with you! I didn’t break up with you because of them, I broke up with you because of yourself! You’re a fucking loser, I also found out you bullied them and Celeste!”
“I can change for you-”
“No you can’t! You abused me, you made me think you would kill yourself one time. You made me think I was a horrible person who caused a suicide but you were actually perfectly fine, you just wanted me to feel bad and stay with you. You made fun of Skyler and Celeste for absolutely no reason, and you even kept laughing at Celeste when she told you how hard her life is. How could you do that to us, Jake?” He doesn’t respond to me. “I said, how could you do that to us? How could you fucking do that to us?”
Someone puts their hand on my shoulder, and I hear them say “Hey, are you ok?”
I turn around and it’s Skyler, I immediately start sobbing and hug them.
We go inside and talk in the hallway since we have privacy there and I stop crying and start to calm down.
“So, what made you decide to break up with them?”
“Well, I had a sleepover with Celeste and Kat, and the next morning…”
[FLASHBACK]
I wake up from a dream where I was told I deserve better than Jake. Celeste and Kat wake up a minute after me, and I decide to ask them something, I think I know the answer, but I wanna hear it from someone else besides Naomi, that will make it feel more real.
“Hey, Celeste and Kat, can I ask you something?”
“Yeah,” They both respond
“Does Jake seem to make me happy?”
“Uhhhh, well…” Celeste says with hesitance
“No, not at all.” Kat says bluntly
[BACK TO THE PRESENT]
“I already knew he didn’t make me happy, and Naomi knew it, I guess I just needed another opinion to make it feel more real. My parents actually didn’t know about any of it, Naomi had been the only other person confirming my feelings” I explain
“That makes sense. How did the breakup actually go?” Skyler asks me
[FLASHBACK]
“It’s gonna be ok Sugar, you got this!” Naomi says to me
I take a deep breath, and go up to Jake he’s hanging out with his friends.
“Hey, Jake, can I talk to you for a minute in private?” I’m planning to be polite, I want to let him down easy despite everything he’s put me through
“Oh, yeah, sure babe! Hold on guys I’ll be back” He says to his friends before following me
Right as I’m about to tell him I’m breaking up with him, I get a call from Skyler and as I look at my phone to decline it, Jake looks at my screen.
“Is that Skyler? Sugar, I told you to break up with him-”
Suddenly every intention I had of being polite completely goes away. “Oh, for FUCK’S sake! Fuck off Jake! I can’t do this anymore!”
“… Can’t… can’t do what anymore??”
“This stupid relationship! I don’t love you, do you hear me? I don’t love you! You stress me out and cause me so much pain, I cannot do this!”
“But Sugar, you know how much I need you…” He reaches for my hand, and I slap it away
“I don’t care anymore! You have guilt tripped me enough!”
“Does this have to do with Skyler?”
“No! I just don’t like you! Your trauma is not my fault or my responsibility, and if you never made it my responsibility maybe this breakup would have been easier. This is it, Jake. I am breaking up with you and there is nothing you can do about it.”
I shoulder check him as I walk past and go back to Naomi.
[BACK TO THE PRESENT]
“Oh wow, you really said all of that to him?” Skyler says
“Yeah. I really got fed up with him. I’ve been losing feelings for him since last July, and just always felt like I’d be a bad person if I left him. I don’t know why I was so stupid, I should’ve known that staying was way worse, I don’t know why I’m such a people pleaser, I really should’ve just-”
“Sugar, it isn’t your fault” Skyler says looking directly into my eyes
I start tearing up again and hug them.
At 5th period…
I really don’t wanna be at 5th period, I don’t wanna be around Jake, so I ask if I can go to the bathroom and then I text the group chat with Skyler, Kat, Celeste and Dante and ask them to hang out with me in the area in the hallway with no security cameras. Skyler responds first, and I meet them there.
“Are you ok?” They ask me
“Yeah, I am, just don’t wanna be around Jake in 5th period. It stresses me out”
“Yeah I understand”
We suddenly hear someone loudly singing opera, we turn around and see Kat.
“Shhhh! Dear God, Kat! We don’t wanna get caught!” Skyler says
“Sorry. Oh my God, neither of you have the same homeroom as me so you probably don’t know this, but I always shout something completely random when I enter the classroom” Kat says
“Oh yeah, she does” Dante says as him and Celeste join us
“Everyone sees me as a class clown, which is the identity I want. But honestly the reason is just because I’m sad deep down and seeing people smile and laugh at me makes me feel better” Kat explains
“By the way, Sugar, I have a story about Jake that might be interesting to you. It’s from early in the school year” Dante says
“Oh, really? What is it?” I respond
“He was throwing snap n’ pops at two people in the hallway for absolutely no reason, and I shouted at him to stop. I threatened to knock his teeth out if he didn’t, and it totally scared him off”
“Oh wow,” I respond with a small laugh
“Yeah, Dante has told me he suffers a lot from being unhappy about other people being in pain, and it causes him to be kind of fierce when standing up for people. He’s really sensitive but in a way it causes him to be a tough guy” Kat says
“Later that same day he actually also stood up for me and Celeste. I hoped that would keep him away, but the next day he made fun of us again and he made me think I’d be a snitch if I told Jake, so we kept our mouths shut”
“Has he really still been making fun of you this whole time?” Dante says
“Yep,” Celeste responds
“You really should’ve told us!” Kat says
We start talking about something else, and pretty soon it’s time for study hall.
After study hall I go to art class, looking forward to seeing Skyler again. We’re currently working on making little cardboard sculptures, mine is quite elaborate. Skyler and I talk to each other about our projects and about random things, as usual, then once art class is over, I stay late to keep cleaning up. I start talking with Ms. Katerina, her and I have a good relationship, she always smiles and shakes her head at me when I make a mistake and then say a swear word in Russian, because she also knows Russian and she understands it.
“So, I’ve heard you broke up with Jake” She says
“Yep” I respond
“What made you finally decide to do it?”
[FLASHBACK]
I wake up from a dream, in the dream Skyler was telling me that I deserve better than Jake and they told me they liked me and I kissed them even though I hadn’t broken up with Jake yet. I wouldn’t do that in real life because it isn’t right… or maybe I would but I’d like to think I wouldn’t. Celeste and Kat wake up a minute after me, and I decide to ask them something, I think I know the answer, but I wanna hear it from someone else besides Naomi, that will make it feel more real.
“Hey, Celeste and Kat, can I ask you something?”
“Yeah,” They both respond
“Does Jake seem to make me happy?”
“Uhhhh, well…” Celeste says with hesitance
“No, not at all.” Kat says bluntly
I pause for a second, and then ask a follow up question. “Does Skyler seem to make me happy?”
“Oh yeah, all the time!” Kat says
“Even just them existing around you seems to make you smile,” Celeste agrees
[BACK TO THE PRESENT]
“Yeah, I always knew you and Skyler liked each other” She says with a smile
“Each other? But earlier, they told me about how Jake confronted them in the hallway because he was mad and knew that a small part of the reason I broke up with him was because of Skyler, and when Skyler explained that to me they said it was “ridiculous” that Jake would think we like each other, which means they don’t like me”
“They were just saying that, Sugar. Kids your age say things like that to cover up and be defensive”
“Yeah, I guess” I respond
At home…
At dinner I tell my parents the truth about how Jake has treated me this whole time, they wish I would’ve told them sooner. They’ve noticed my suffering these past two years, especially these past few months, and suspected it could be because of him but they didn’t know for sure, but they’re mostly just glad I’m telling them now and most of all that I’m not in the relationship anymore.
When I go to my room, I call my friends, and as usual we talk super late not caring about how exhausted and miserable we’ll be tomorrow. We don’t go to bed until 4:00 in the morning.
Broken Minds 