Broken Minds

Skyler’s POV

I’m at Celeste and Kat’s house with Dante. We’re in their bedroom, and I’m talking about Sugar.

“Y’know Skyler, you’ve been talking an awful lot about Sugar lately”

“Uh, yeah, I guess, so?” I respond, “Oh no, you’re not thinking what I think you’re thinking, are you?”

“I am”

“I don’t like her! She has a boyfriend anyway, she’s with Jake. I don’t understand why, he’s so ugly. They’re like beauty and the beast”

“It sounds like you’re a little jealous” Kat says

“No, I’m not, I just don’t think anyone should be with someone like Jake, that’s all”

“Buddy, your face is BRIGHT RED right now” Dante chimes in

“NO IT ISN’T! SHUT UP!” They’re so incorrect. I really don’t like Sugar, at all. She’s just a good friend. In 5th grade I liked someone who was dating my bully. It ended terribly. It’s ridiculous to think I would make that mistake again.

“Well, I don’t think she likes Jake very much anyway. I wouldn’t be surprised if I saw her doing Morse code blinks while she’s with him” Kat says

Dante laughs and says “what would she be saying in Morse code”

“SOMEONE BREAK ME UP WITH THIS LOSER” Kat says while simultaneously blinking. She possibly actually spelling out the message she’s saying. Kat is very smart, she knows Morse code very well. “If it weren’t unethical Skyler, I would break them up for you. That would be doing you and Sugar both a favor”

“I don’t like her in that way” I respond

“Mhm” Kat responds dismissively

I know that Jake isn’t abusive to Sugar anymore. I knew he was to begin with because she confessed it to me in the forest when we were intoxicated. But after that, I saw Jake apologize to her. He was crying, promising to be better. They even hugged. I have to accept that they’re in a relationship. Even if it’s irritating to me. I don’t like her though. It isn’t that I wish she was with me instead.

At school…

We get to school and I see Sugar standing out in front.

“Hey Sugar!” I say excitedly. I can feel Celeste and Dante smiling at each other behind me. I suppress the urge to roll my eyes. They go inside the school building while Sugar and I stay outside. “I really like your hair! How are you?” Her and Kat got their hair dyed over the weekend. They told me they were going to, and I knew Sugar’s would look nice but it looks even nicer than I expected. It isn’t that I’m attracted to her though

“Hey Sky! Thank you, I’m doing ok, how are you?” I love it when she calls me Sky

“I’m just really tired, I had kind of a rough night last night, I couldn’t sleep” I was anxious last night because I was worrying about if I had accidentally hurt Sugar’s feelings with something I said. Sometimes because of my social anxiety I overanalyze things like that, but I don’t really wanna tell her that’s the reason.

“What made you unable to sleep?”

“I don’t know, I was just stressed about a lot of different things.” I can’t tell Sugar her opinion matters that much to me. Again, totally don’t like her though. “But anyway, how was your night?” She seems a little taken aback by me asking how her night was, I wonder why

“It was ok, I had kind of a hard time sleeping too”

We start talking about music. “I’ve written a few songs before…” I say

“Really?! Can I see them?” She responds with a smile

“I don’t know, they’re kind of embarrassing to me” I respond

“Oh, I’m sure they’re not, but you don’t have to show them to me if you don’t want to”

We get told by a teacher that it’s time to go to class. In history, we have to present. We have a substitute history teacher for a few days. She wanted each of us to make a getting to know me presentation for her. Some of us think it’s stupid that we have to do that for a substitute. But we made the presentations anyway.

When I have to get up and present, my hands are shaking. I don’t want to present in front of Jake especially. Celeste gives me a small smile to try to comfort me.

“Uhm, so this is my all about me presentation,” I say nervously

“Hey, speak up!” Jake says with an ugly smile

“Yeah Skyler, I can’t hear you” Ms. Jane, the substitute says. She’s being nice. I think she thinks Jake is being nice. She doesn’t know how he is, I do.

“I’m Skyler, this is my all about me presentation” I say slightly louder. I switch it to the next slide. Jake and his friend keep laughing. Especially when my voice cracks. Or when I stumble over my words. It makes me want to leave. I don’t want to be standing in front of the class getting made fun of. 

I’m relieved when it’s time for ELA. Nothing stressful happens there. After ELA, I see Sugar in the hallway getting something out of her locker. I decide to go up to her and talk to her.

“Hey, did you see the new episode of Ferals and Strays last night?”

“Oh yeah, I did, it was really good. It was really emotional when Missy found out the other cats were talking about her behind her back,”

“Yeah, it was. I wonder what’s gonna happen next, and if she’ll still stay friends with them”

We talk about it for a few more minutes and then I walk away to go to class.

At PE…

Sugar and I talk to each other while the coach prepares for stretches. 

“How are you?” She asks me

“I’m alright I guess, in class I had to present and I just felt like people didn’t like my presentation. It got laughed at by uh… someone.” I don’t wanna tell her how Jake is towards me, it’s awkward. “But, I’m sorry, how are you?” Again, she seems taken aback by me asking how she is. Why is that?

“I’m ok, thank you” she responds with a cute smile

We start talking about weird dreams. She tells me about the dream she had where her soul was outside of her body. It sounds exactly the same as a dream I had. “Wait, really? I had that same dream!” I respond. It’s like her and I have some sort of connection.

Eventually, the wind blows my hair away from my blue eye. Sugar sees it and starts to say something about it. I shush her. I then apologize and ask her to just not tell anyone

“Oh no, I won’t. I think it’s cool though” She says

“Really?”

“Yeah”

She’s so non-judgmental. That’s what I love like about her. Eventually, we have to be on the ground and do stretches. After the stretches, we get up and I walk behind Sugar. I notice a red spot on the back of her shorts. I start panicking. I have to tell her. How do I do it without being rude?

“I’m really sorry if this is rude to ask, but are you on that time of the month?” I whisper in her ear

“Uh, I don’t think so, why?”

“I think you have a period stain”

“Oh shit, what do I do?”

“Here,” I say as I take off my sweatshirt, “put it around your hips”

“Really?? But what if I leak on to it?”

“Oh, that would be fine, I have another one just like it”

“Thank you,” She says sweetly as she slowly takes it from my hand and puts it around her hips delicately, as if she’s afraid it will break

At lunch, I sit with Celeste, Dante, and Kat. I’m a little disappointed that Sugar doesn’t join us today. She’s probably somewhere with Naomi. I decide to tell them about what I did for Sugar.

“And so, I gave her my sweatshirt to put around her hips”

“Oh yeah, you don’t like her though” Kat says

“I was just being nice! You do nice things for your friends!” I respond

That seems to shut them up. But we all know it probably is more than just the fact that she’s my friend.

Right after 5th period…

I see Sugar in the hallway, leaning against the lockers. I think of going up to her. Then I hear footsteps that are definitely Jake’s. So I lean against the wall and pretend that I’m on my phone. I wonder what he’d say about my sweatshirt around her hips. I don’t know if he even knows she’s my friend. I look back a few seconds later as he’s walking up to her. She must’ve put the sweatshirt in her backpack when she heard him coming. Then, to my horror, he kisses her. I look away quickly because I don’t wanna see that. Ew, why does he get to kiss her? Why?! That should be me.

Wait… did I really just get that thought? Uh oh. I like Sugar. I really like her. I wanna hold her hand. I wanna kiss her on the head and tell her how pretty she is. I wanna hug her. But Jake is the only person who would ever get to do those things, and it kills me. I don’t want to be in love with my bully’s girlfriend. It hurts too much.

I run into Kat in the hallway. I feel anxious. I ask her to squeeze me and she does. Then I walk into class.

Later, when I’m at home, I call Celeste and Kat and Dante.

“So, I think I’m in love with Sugar” I admit

“OH GEE, REALLY? WHO WOULDA THUNK IT?” Kat says

“THAT’S WHAT WE’VE BEEN TELLING YOU!” Celeste and Dante say in unison

“I know, I know! I don’t want to be in love with someone who’s dating someone else though, especially my bully!”

“But what if she likes you back?” Kat says

“She definitely doesn’t. I don’t know why she would like an awkward person like me, especially when she has a boyfriend already” I respond

“Speaking of which, should we invite Sugar?” Celeste says

“Yes, but don’t say anything! DO NOT SAY ANYTHING!” I say. Suddenly I feel like a 12 year old in 6th grade again.

We invite her, and the conversation goes well. It feels just slightly different talking to her while knowing that I have feelings for her. But I think I already knew I did before deep down. The difference is that I’m accepting it now.

I feel saddened when we all hang up and say goodnight. As I’m going to sleep, I feel like maybe these feelings for Sugar aren’t so bad after all. She could be the person who saves me. Even though she’ll never reciprocate the feelings. She isn’t judgmental, I can actually be my weird self around her. That is what I love about her.